A Thorny Path Through First Semester

 

Hello there, my name is Nikhil Tharun Ilayaraja and this is my blog. This isn’t going to be something motivational or entertaining. Just me yapping about of my life. So let’s get started

 I'm not much of a social person. I prefer to be in my own little sphere, an introvert as one might say but I don't particularly hate being around people as long as they don't hate me being around them. Crowds aren't my thing so going outside is a pain to me. Therefore going into a new environment was making me really scared thinking that now I’d have to start new relations and speak to people

I'm not much of a talkative person. I prefer to be in my own little sphere, an introvert as one might say but I don't particularly hate being around people as long as they don't hate me being around them. Crowds aren't my thing so going outside is a pain to me    

When I entered my first semester, I was very confident with two feelings: one was excitement and the other was nervousness. Not being too dramatic—they were much like that faint feeling when you realize something huge is already on the way, but you are still unsure of how it will behave towards you.

The first day of my college life didn’t at all seem like “college” to me at first, it was more like a ceremony—a really big one. The faculty, the alumni, the speeches on dreams, success, and the future were all part of it. Every speaker spoke with such assurance, as if life had already settled its issues. I was there listening and thinking, Okay, this is it. This is the start. Before college began, I was really convinced it would be a party and a smooth ride. New people, new freedom, new experiences—what could be so hard? Apparently, that assumption didn’t last long.

Then came academics.

Some subjects just keep to themselves. Others come loud and clear and make sure you won't forget them. In my case, it was Network Theory that went for the kill. It was nothing but complicated, pestering, and totally non-caring. It was not only the comprehension that was the issue; the whole thing was to endure it. And to be honest? I still have times when I doubt my decisions because of the subject. There were days when I went through the thought process of, “What made me choose this?” And there were different days when the thought was, “I will get through it. In one way or another.”

You would expect exams to be very stressful and they were indeed so. Before the exams, there was panic, after the exams, there was relief and discussions among the students about the answers that made them rethink every answer they wrote. Surprisingly, however, confidence was mixed with all that stress. A kind of silent confidence that said to me, no matter how terrible it felt, I would still be able to go through it. One of the greatest things in my first semester was discovering my group of friends—not at once, not magically, but at the right moment. And once I found them, everything became easier. There was no one dramatic event that marked our friendship. It was the little things: teasing each other, sharing laughs over silly things, and being together even during the most boring times. Sometimes this is what you need in order to make it through college.

Amongst all the lectures, exams, and random chats, I also noticed a change in myself. The first semester was an adventure that made me a bit more serious. A little bit more focused. Not dull—just more conscious. Gradually I came to realize that lives do not always unfold according to the plan you draw. It hits you with surprises, whether you are prepared for them or not.

If it were possible for me to have a dialogue with my pre-college self, I would give one piece of advice only:

Don’t be a nonchalant.

University offers you a lot of freedom but at the same time it secretly demands you to mature.

If I think back, my first semester was not perfect. It was not easy. It was not trouble-free.

But it was genuine.

And perhaps that is just what it was meant to be.